We Don't Do Plantation Weddings & Here's Why

*** Potential trigger warning as we are discussion traumatic historical events in relation to today’s world. Some content and/or images may be impactful***

A few weeks ago a bride-to-be reached out inquiring about our services however I immediately noticed on the inquiry the venue location: “ Blah Blah Plantation” . I confirmed since it was through a third party site where you create a profile and thought that perhaps it hadn’t been updated. So opitimistically I checked but it was infact that location. To which I politely declined because it goes against our core pillars and is potentially harmful to some couples we represent. I made sure to emphasize that I’m sure she was a wonderful person & this wasn’t a reflection on her- we just weren’t the right match. Needless to say she ( but especially her aunt) we not happy by this news.

This lead me to think, do people really understand why we don’t ? Do they see what we see ? I understand that people can get swept up in architecture and open fields but taking away the traumatic history seems out of touch as well. So let’s take a look at what has been so romanticized .

The architecture of the main house was built, tended to & labored in by slaves for the family that lived there & owned them. It is steeped in sadness & atrocities. Where you see a “cute little kitchen” ; I see the slaves kitchen. The grand columns are not standing in your portraits but looming over those waiting to be summoned.

That big tree you may say your vows in front of ? You know the one … because every plantation has at least one. You see nuptials while I see punishment & death. Perhaps people don’t realize but those are “hanging trees”. So while you may be starting your new life; so many others we unjustly taken in that spot.

The expansicve land and rolling fields are beautiful during golden hour but they weren’t beautiful under slavery. Those fields are occupied with history & pain even if you don’t see it. As much as people try to soften the blow by saying it was tended to by “workers” nothing can erase the truth that they were slaves; not employed. Doing so is disrespectful to history. Don’t go running through the cotton fields feeling cute when people ran for their lives in those fields.

But it was so long ago! No, no it wasn’t . Slavery ended a little over 150 years ago. That means it’s very feasible that 2 generation ago this was a working plantation. Two generations ago. Great grandparents lived it. That’s not that long ago.

It’s the disrespect & willful ignorance to push the history in a closet. To romanticize select parts while ignoring others. Plantation weddings set a disturbing precedence that can just discard the history that hurts or is painful. This is so damaging to anyone who would have been harmed during this time . We never want our couples to feel betrayed so respecting history, their trust & love matters more. Plantation weddings create a false fantasy as people refuse to reckon with what happened & I find it truly strange. Would you ever get married at the chalet of a Nazi SS member? I didn’t think so… but then why try to justify this venue?

But isn’t everywhere marred by something? Yes, America has a lot of dark & bloody history making it honestly almost impossible to avoid it entirely but that’s why we must educate ourselves to be as empathetic & knowledgable as possible to navigate very complicated waters. So can a plantation wedding ever be ok?

Everyone will come up with their own rubric but I look at a few key points .

1) There is a different between a “Plantation Wedding “ & a wedding at a plantation. A “Plantation Wedding” is one that someone seeks out that venue for that reason. So if the venue has it in the title or on their website they are profitting through SEO for those seeking it out & that’s a definite “No”.

2) If the venue honors the history & the people via an “in memorial “ or something , perhaps. But it needs to be clear on their website, social media channels & in person. While it doesn't make the history better; it still acknowledges & honors the lives. Personally I feel that if a venue is making profit off of a space with such a history they need to financially be making amends. Donate a portion of the profits to a charity to help the communities that were hurt by the establishment of slavery can be a genuine acknowledgement, reverence & attempt to make things better moving forward.

3) The land is so split up that the plantation doesn't really exist anymore. There are small cities that used to entirely be part of a plantation but now they’re actually a city. So a random building that stands in the land space of a former plantation would be ok but still nothing with ”plantation” as part of their marketing. For example Ellicott City, MD.

4)The final only other way we would consider is if the couple was BIPOC & had some reason why they’re choosing this venue such as “reclaiming the space” or “honoring their ancestors”.

Plantations should be places for history & education. Have your beautiful wedding in a joyous place & let those there rest in peace. I’m sure many will disagree with me or say “it’s jsut a word” but words matter & so do our core values. I’m sorry if you’re disappointed that we can’t work together because of this but I think you’ll find (maybe later) that you’re not really upset with me but simply upset the truth I pointed out made you feel uncomfortable. With so many venue options & I trust with this new education that you can choose better. We need to do more & make the world better.

For more reading about this stance, other perspectives, etc I highly recommend the following articles: Town & Country, Glamour , Style Me Pretty , and The New York Times.